


Losing You

by StreetDancer



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Sex, M/M, Romance, Slash, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2016-02-22
Packaged: 2018-05-22 14:49:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6083616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StreetDancer/pseuds/StreetDancer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the Willow Incident, Sirius has been kicked out of the group. James hates his guts and Sirius can't help by hate himself. But what happens when James dies and twelve years later Remus meets up with Sirius once again?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Man i remember trying to post this on Adult Fan fiction, but the story kept on getting deleted because i was missing something. I hope they don't do this to me

Sirius nursed his bleeding nose; James stood over him “you’re a right bloody idiot that’s what you are!” He snarled at the Pureblood, who almost winced. He had sent Snape to the Willow where Remus was transforming, and if it wasn’t for James, Snape would’ve been dead. Remus was devastated and wasn’t talking to him, in fact, none of the boys were talking to him, and he understood that very well. Remus would glare at him wherever he went. “God kill me now” he replied as he strode down the hall to his next class, all four boys were in the same class which really took it out on Sirius. When he entered he saw his “friends” sitting in their usual spots, but where Sirius was sitting there was no chair. So instead he sat right at the front, ignoring the stares that he was receiving from the other Marauders. Suddenly the chair next to him moved back and a boy with blondish hair sat next to him “hey… Why aren’t you sitting with your friends?” He whispered and Sirius looked at him, catching Remus staring at him from the corner of eye “we had a fall out… Could I… Could I be your friend?” Sirius hated to ask this question, it made him sound so desperate “yeah why not, the famous Sirius Black, I’d like to get to know you” the boy said before extending his hand “Hector Beriany” Sirius took his hand “Sirius Black” was all he said before class started.

After class Sirius had joined Hector and they began to climb the steps to the common room “so, I didn’t think that you guys would break up that easily, you must have done something horrible” Hector said and Sirius sighed in annoyance “yes I did, and I didn’t mean to, now can you quite talking about it please, you’re making me feel sick” he said and hector smiled “sorry… Hey, they’re in the same house as you, so that means that they’re gonna be studying in the common room, why not try the Astronomy Tower?”

“Are you serious, how can we do that?” Sirius asked as he looked at Hector in surprise and all hector did was shrug “I’ve done it before, I don’t have anyone to hang out with, so I usually go up there, don’t worry it’s perfectly safe” he replied. Sirius hesitated before following Hector back down the stairs, he was in a rush that he hadn’t seen the other Marauders making their way up. He had collided with James, who snarled at him and shoved him, almost causing Sirius to fall “shove off you traitor!” James said, but Sirius ignored him and kept on going “hey, I’m talking to you Sirius…BLACK, DON’T YOU KEEP ON WALKING AWAY FROM ME!” Sirius then stopped and sighed in agitation, turning to look up the stairs to see James and the others staring at him, “what do you want?” Sirius asked “you’re no longer a Marauder” James blurted out and Sirius felt claws rip at his heart, oh god this was horrible, but he had to suck it up “fine” and he went to leave “Jesus you are heartless just like you family!” Remus replied ever so loudly and Sirius almost had a heart attack “don’t you say that Remus… I’m not heartless, and if you’re all wondering why I’m acting the way you expect me to do, is because I’m acting mature. We’re human, we all make mistakes, now if you excuse me I’m off” Sirius then turned and left the stunned Marauders. Hector was at the bottom of the stairs “wow, that was amazing, you’re really brave there” he said and Sirius smiled as they strode out of the castle, unaware that they were being followed.  
The Astronomy Tower was quite dirty looking, but Hector had shown the way to climb to the top, you weren’t inside, or outside, but just right. Sirius sat comfortably on the wooden plank that Hector had created “I never thought I’d have someone here with me” Hector said with a smile “what, you always come alone, no study partner at all?” Sirius asked in shock and hector shook his head “no, no study partner, no one really likes me”.

“Why do you think that?”

“Because no one talks to me”.

“Well, when I first saw you I didn’t bother”.

“Really?”

“No, it’s only if you speak up, that you’ll gain friends” Sirius said “but also if those people are willing to try to talk to you, they would come up to you”. Sirius smiled at Hector “man, that really shed some light for me, thanks… So what’re you gonna do, aren’t you in every class with them?” Hector suddenly lowered his voice and pointed downwards; Sirius followed his finger and almost fell of the plank. Peter, James and Remus were on ground floor, looking around “do you think they’re gonna see us?” Sirius whispered ever so quietly and Hector shook his head “no one knows about this top floor, I created it myself anyway. So as long as we stay quiet we’re fine” Hector whispered back and the two watched as the other three boys wandered about “where is he, I swear they said the Astronomy Tower” Peter said and Sirius reared back, what did they want from him? “Maybe it was a trick” James said and Sirius smirked, stupid Pureblood. He watched as Remus looked about, Remus hadn’t been concentrating, so he couldn’t hear them yet. So Sirius started to write notes to Hector, _Remus is really good at hearing things, so don’t speak anymore, just write notes and pass them on and be careful not to drop them.  
_ He passed the note to Hector who read it and put a thumb up. Sirius continued watching the boys as they moved out of the Astronomy Tower and onto the balcony. Hector had pushed himself back a bit and looked through a crack in the wall that viewed the balcony, he began writing and then passed it over to Sirius, _it seems like your friends have made this their study area now, and they’re sitting on the balcony with their books and paperwork.  
_ Sirius sighed and grabbed some blank paper and began writing, but this letter wasn’t for Hector, it was for his mother. He couldn’t stay here, seeing those three boys only brought regret upon him. He finished the letter and silently called his owl, which fluttered over to him happily and he tied the latter to the leg before setting it free. Hector had written to him, _who did you send that to, your mother?  
_ Sirius nodded before writing back _I’m sorry, I really want to stay friends with you, but I can’t stand them.  
_ Hector shrugged, _we can be friends outside of school._  
Sirius gave him a knowing smile.   
Both boys had finished before the three from below and were silent making their way down the steps, Sirius wasn’t planning on stopping by and chatting. When they reached the ground floor they could hear the boys chatting “seriously, how could he do that to you Remus, I can’t believe that he got Snape to come over to the tree, now he knows about you being a werewolf!” Sirius spun around to Hector who stared at him before shrugging, so quickly they rushed out of the Astronomy Tower. When they were at good range of not being heard, Sirius blurted out “oh god you weren’t meant to hear that Hector” he said “please don’t tell anyone”.

“Don’t worry I won’t tell, you can trust me” Hector said as they walked down the dirty path. God, he wondered what his mother would say.


	2. Chapter 2

Sirius had finally received the mail from his mother and was surprisingly delighted that she would take him in and home-school him. He walked down the hall with the letter in his hands, but stopped when he heard voices from around the corner, it was Peter and James, “James, do you really think it’s necessary to do such a thing to Sirius?”

“Are you taking his side now?”

“No, I’m just saying, we’re in seventh year, and we’re acting like first graders” Peter shot back. Was it that Peter was starting to show some sympathy? “Enough Peter, if you want to go with the rat, then by all means go!” James had stormed off, leaving the quivering Peter alone, and that’s when Sirius came out of his hiding spot, “why’d you do that?” Sirius asked, and because Peter hadn’t seen him, he jumped, “why did I do what?” Peter asked dumbly, “try to turn things around” Sirius added on. The young boy sighed, “we’re in seventh year, don’t you see what I’m talking about –“.

“You don’t have to try and turn things around, I don’t want you to get hurt alright, stay with them, because I won’t be around any longer”, Peter gasped, “where are you going?”

“Far away, but don’t tell them… Promise me Peter” Sirius stared at him with so much meaning that the little boy cringed, “alright, I promise” and with that Peter rushed up and hugged Sirius, who was shocked from the sudden contact. “Alright Peter, that’s enough, let go before the others find us and think otherwise” Sirius chuckled, but he was hurting, hurting inside. He had lost his brothers for good. Peter had rushed off now and Sirius headed up to the boys dorms, but to his dismay he found Remus sitting in the common room, it was bloody hard trying not to look at him as he walked past. His trunk was out and ready and he began to pack the last of his belongings the next two semesters. He stopped, taking a ragged breath before shutting his trunk and lying on the bed. His heart almost skipped a beat when he heard the dorm door open and footsteps going past his bed. He plucked up enough courage to look up, but regretted it as he saw the amber eyes of Remus, “what’re you looking at?” Remus had snapped, causing Sirius to jump up in bed, “fucking hell Remus, calm down” Sirius groaned in annoyance, he had no time for this, “oh you’re telling me to calm down, when I have every right to be angry –“.

“Yes, fucking hell, I know you have every fucking right to be angry with me!” Sirius spat, looking away from him. “Why did you do it?” Remus’s tone had lowered now, and there wasn’t much anger, but more curiosity, “Snape was gaining onto us, I did it so I could scare him” Sirius, “but you almost fucking led him to his death” Remus growled, “alright, I know it’s my fault, can you stop making me feel so guilty, come on!”

“Bloody hell Sirius, why didn’t you think… You’re just like –“. Remus hadn’t finished as Sirius had jumped off the bed and was only two feet away from him, “don’t you ever dare say that I’m like my family” Sirius said in a deadly tone, but Remus wasn’t buying it, “I can say whatever I want, you’re like your family… I wonder why I was ever your friend” Remus eyed Sirius who seem to crumble from those words. He wasn’t able to say anymore because Sirius had rushed out of the dorm, leaving the werewolf on his own.   
Sirius made his way out of the hallway, passing James and Peter, but it was only James who gave him a death stare, and he kept on walking, knowing that tonight he was leaving… For good.

Sirius had been avoided by the group more and more. But he didn’t mind, sure it almost killed him. He even found himself talking to Narcissa even more, to Bella’s disapproval. Sirius found more comfort in Narcissa than anyone else. “So you’re going to be taken out, where are you gonna go?” She asked in shock, “mom’s gonna home school me, I should be glad”.

“Maybe she sees a spark in you that’s why she’s taken you on” Narcissa joked, Sirius couldn’t help but laugh, “they’ve been avoiding you” Narcissa added on, “I deserved it, it was something reckless, so don’t feel sorry for me” he quickly said. Narcissa sighed and placed her head on his shoulder, “they’ll get over it soon enough, you can’t always be angry with your best friend”. Sirius shot her a worried glance. “Well anyway, I’ll be leaving tonight, so maybe I’ll see you during holidays” he smiled, and Narcissa lifted her head off his shoulder, looking up at him with such emotion. “Please don’t commit suicide because of this… They’re not worth dying for” was the last thing she said before moving away. Sirius stood there, helpless, he was suddenly angry. Commit suicide, he wasn’t the type to do so, sure he felt down but that was life, you would have your ups and downs and Sirius was having one. He felt a new kind of anger boiling up inside him.  
His last class was Defense against The Dark Arts, of course James, Peter and Remus were in his class, but he wasn’t interested in him. He was angry, not at them… Well maybe, but just the whole situation was pissing him off, fuck them, he thought to himself. “Alright kids, I need you to line up, we’ll be doing practical, I’ll choose your partners”, the class groaned in annoyance, but the teacher ignored them. To Sirius dismay he was partnered up with James, he didn’t look all too pleased about the pick. They stood a few feet away from each other. “Alright class, I want to you remember the spells I gave you, one must cast the spells at the other, whilst the other tries to block… Are you ready? Go!” The teacher yelled, spells were cast everywhere, and Sirius didn’t know whether James had cast one yet, his vision had gotten use to the high lighting when he saw James with his wand pointing at Sirius. He wasn’t able to move fast enough as James had cast the spell, “Sectumsempra!” He yelled, Sirius screamed as he flew back into another student, Lily. The students stopped from shock, “Oh god Sirius, are you alright?” He could hear Lily’s voice, but Sirius was almost slipping out of consciousness, he was tired and his body was hurting badly. Suddenly someone started screaming, and Sirius looked down at his body, in horror he watched as his white shirt was now starting to turn red. “Everyone get back now, give him some air!” He heard the teacher yell, he could just see Peter, Remus and James, and their faced filled with horror, James more with guilt, “Sirius… Sirius, come on talk to me, don’t close your eyes, whatever you do” he could hear the teacher say, but Sirius was too tired, and with that he let the darkness take him.

Lily watched in complete horror as Sirius was taken out in a stretcher, she looked over at James and anger took over. Storming over to him, “how could you do such a thing?” She snapped, she had shocked James as he backed, “it was an accident –“.

“Accident my arse you fucking useless pathetic excuse of a pure-blood!”  That really hit James on the spot as she saw tears appear in his eyes, Remus had jumped in, “now hold on a minute –“.

“Remus, if I hear another word out of you you’re gonna cop it!” She yelled and Remus backed away, knowing that he won’t win the fight. “So why the fuck did you cast Sectumsempra on Sirius huh? What did he do?” she could see the anger filling in James’s eyes, “he took Snape down to where Remus was transforming, he could have killed Snape, and worse, Snape knows about Remus!”

“Ah, well I see that now, but let me get this straight, did anyone get injured, or killed?” Lily snapped back, James stopped to think before shaking his head, and Lily turned red, her voice raising and caching the teachers attention and some other students, “so no one got hurt, and not one got killed, but one secret is out and that’s not gonna do anything, sure Remus might go through some bullying, but when you think of it, you had no bloody fucking right to physically injure Sirius, by all means you might have killed him!”

“Fine, be on his side, you might as well be getting fucked by him!” James yelled back, receiving a hard punch in the face, he fell back and Remus caught him in shock, “Don’t you fucking dare talk to me like that, you can’t fucking accept that you’re stupid and can’t think straight” she put her hand up, stopping Remus from jumping in to defend his friend, “you know what, why did I ever have a crush on you, you won’t be able to handle a relationship, let alone a friendly one as well, buy god I swear you’re the reason Mandrake’s fucking cry!” She turned and barged away, “oh god James” Remus said as he watched his friend nurse his now bleeding nose. The teacher had come up to them, “boys, I heard that you purposely casted a curse on a student… You two, Remus and Peter, you’re free to go, but James, I’m afraid you’re gonna have to serve detention with me for the rest of the year and no Hogsmeade visits along with Quiddich games”. James looked up at him in complete horror, “what, you can’t do that sir, that’s not fair –“.

“What isn’t fair is you casting a curse that might as well kill Sirius… And as Lily had said, whatever he did, no one got hurt or killed, you’ll be responsible, so I suggest you suck it up and accept this punishment… It’s defiantly better than getting expelled or worse… going to Azkaban, trust me” the teacher said. The teacher turned but added on, “detention starts tomorrow, don’t be late” he walked off, leaving the teary eyes James with his friends.


	3. Chapter 3

Sirius awoke in shock, his body was in pain, “bloody hell” he groaned, “language Mr Black” he heard Madame Pomfrey said with a stern look, “oh sorry… What happened?” Sirius asked, wincing as he sat up slowly, “careful, you were hit by a curse, casted by your friend James –“.

“He’s not my friend” Sirius looked at her, his eyes were cold, she sighed, “I tried to heal your wounds, but, they only left scars” she said sadly, “that’s alright… I’m gonna go home anyway, mum will look after me” Sirius said with a smile. “You’re leaving… Are you coming back?” Pomfrey asked with concern, “no, I’m leaving for good, my mother’s agreed on home school me” Sirius replied as he got comfortable. The nurse looked shocked, “oh… Uh, well I hope you do well then” she said before quickly making her way to their way to her desk. Sirius knew that she was quite surprised, James, Peter, Remus and him were so close, but now they had drifted away from him by so much that he couldn’t even handle it. There was a knock on the door and Sirius couldn’t help but look up to see who was visiting, and to his surprise, it was Lily. Her hair was placed in a very neat plait and her nice pink top seem to glow and over power her dark jeans. “Sirius” was all she said and he looked away, “oh god Sirius, I’m so sorry about what James did”.

“You don’t have to be sorry, I deserved it –“.

“Sirius!” Lily spat, catching his full attention, “I agree, whatever you did was downright stupid” she said, seating herself next to him, “but that doesn’t mean you deserve to be hit with a curse… When you were unconscious, I managed to slip through here… You nearly died from all the blood loss Sirius… James would’ve killed you if it weren’t for the teachers” she said, tears forming in her eyes. He stared at her, “what happened after I left?” Was all he asked and Lily sucked in some air, “I gave James a piece of my mind”.

“Oh really, funny, what did you call him?” Sirius smiled, finally finding some humour, “well I think I called him a pathetic excuse of a Pure blood, or something along the lines of that” she chuckled, “ouch” Sirius laughed, “you really didn’t have to stick up for me” Sirius added on, but Lily shook he head, “Sirius, it’s not because you needed the help, I wanted to help” she stated, raking her fingers through her fringe, “because believe it or not, since I had grown closer to James, I had grown closer to you and Remus… Not as much as Peter –“.

“Oh by the way, not that long ago I had bumped into Peter, and apparently he was trying to turn things around” Sirius said, Lily scratched her chin, “yes well, when I looked at the boys, it seemed that Peter was the only one that was more mature in this situation” she said. Sirius smiled, Lily was like a mother, and he always wanted a mother that acted like her, his smile was gone, “I’m leaving tonight” he said in a hollow tone and Lily frowned, “leaving… Where?”

“I’m going back home, and I’m not coming back”.

“What? You’re not doing this because of James –“.

“Trust me Lily; I’m not doing overly well, so I think its best… And the boys are avoiding me, and I can’t handle it anymore, so please, let me go” Sirius pleaded. Lily eyed him off with sorrow, “alright… Promise to write to me?”

“Only if you promise to say that you’re a Pureblood… Because of my mother you know” Sirius said with a sad smile. She smiled and nodded, “I have to go now” she quickly got up and before Sirius could do anything she pressed her lips against his, they were soft. A nice flower smell had started to fill his nose, they broke apart, Sirius was flustered, “Lily, you shouldn’t have done –“. She put her hand up to stop him, “I didn’t do that because I’m in love with you, it was a goodbye and best of luck kiss” she said with a wink, and Sirius sighed in relief. Lily smiled warmly and left, leaving the Gryffindor along once again.   
Sirius stayed in the wing for hours until his mother had arrived, “hey mum” he said shyly, and thankfully she smiled at him, “your trunk is already gone, so we can go” she said. Sirius could no longer feel any pain, so he got up and gathered his robes, following his mother out into the hall. That’s when he saw Peter, Peter stopped in his tracks, his eyes on Sirius, and all Sirius could do was put a finger on his lips, reminding Peter about the promise he made so many days ago. Peter’s jaw tightened and then he turned and fled and Sirius continued following his mother out of the castle and back home.

Peter kept silent the next day, Sirius hadn’t come to the first two classes, and he could see that the two other Marauders were starting to wonder, and he could hear them talking, “Sirius wasn’t in bed, did you see him around?” Remus asked with concern and even James was quite concerned, “Remus I haven’t seen him since I threw a curse on him” he said. There was a tap on his shoulder, and he was surprised to see Lily, she never really spoke to him. “We need to talk at recess” she said sternly. Peter nodded and waited until the bell went. When it did, Lily and Peter rushed away from the Remus and James, who were still figuring out what the hell happened to Sirius. They found a quiet spot so that no one could hear them, “this is about Sirius” she said, “oh yeah, he looked fine, I saw him last night”.

“But did you tell Remus and James?” She asked and Peter shook his head, “Sirius made me do a promise that I wouldn’t tell them” Peter said, Lily scratched her chin, “Let’s do this, if they ask you, tell them that he died”.

“What? I can’t do that, that’s not true, what if they go to the teachers and ask?” Peter shot back, but Lily shook her head, “no, don’t worry, the teachers aren’t allowed to say anything, I heard his mother talking to Albus, and he said that he’ll try and keep the boys away… Sad, but true” she replied. Peter sighed, “How is this going to work?”

“James needs his head screwed on properly, I know he still doesn’t care about that curse, and I want him to change”.

“You can change someone”.

“Peter”.

“Alright, I’ll see what I can do… Boy I hope this works” Peter sighed as he left her side to find the two other Marauders. Remus and James were sitting under the old oak, “where were you?” James asked in interest, “I was talking to Lily” Peter tried his best to put on the saddest face he could make, “what’s with the long face… what happened?” Remus asked and Peter sat down. “Sirius is dead” he replied, Remus’s face went pale and he placed his hand on his stomach whilst James dropped his food in shock, “what! No, that can’t be… Peter, don’t lie to me” Remus said, Peter frowned, “I’m serious, Lily had managed to get into the wing, and that’s when they announced him dead… James, you killed Sirius” Peter said, his heart breaking whilst he said the words. James had gone as pale Remus now, “that can’t be… Peter… Are you sure?”

“James!”

“Alright, alright… Oh gods, Remus kill me now” James sobbed, but Remus was fighting his own battle. The boys sat in silence until James had spotted Lily, who was doing a brilliant job of acting her sorrow, but really she was upset, the fact that Sirius was no longer around. “Lily?” James gently said, he had left the boys to confront her, and she whirled around in anger, “get away from me Potter” she snarled and James took a step towards her, “Lily, I never meant to hurt him –“.

“That’s what Sirius said to you about Remus, pathetic!” She snarled, “Lily –“.

“Don’t talk to me, he died because of you!” She pushed past him, almost making him topple over, but he felt strong hands catch him, looking up he saw Remus, his eyes were red and puffy. James closed his eyes; he wanted this all to end.


	4. Chapter 4

I APOLOGIZE FOR SUCH A SHORT CHAPTER!!!!

 

 

12 MONTHS LATER

Sirius sighed in relief, he had finished his last year with his mother, and wondered why it was so difficult for him to understand certain things. His brother, Regulus had returned, a smile on his face, “You passed your tests?” Sirius asked as he greeted his brother, “yeah… well I failed one but that’s alright” Regulus said with a smile. Sirius followed his brother into the living room, “so I heard about what had happened with you and the boys” Regulus said with a sigh, Sirius looked away, “yeah, I know, but they look so lonely without you, and they don’t prank anyone anymore”.

“Well that’s their problem” Sirius grunted and Regulus frowned, “you’ve changed” he replied, “oh is that so, how would’ve I have changed?”

“You seem colder” Regulus surprisingly didn’t have a triumphed smirk, but a worried expression, “is that a problem?” Sirius hot back, “yes it is, I want the other Sirius back” Regulus shot back, surprising Sirius so much that he sat up straight in his chair, “come again?”

“You heard me Sirius, I thought you were going to be the only hope that would shed light onto our family, but it’s slowly dying away” Regulus said sadly. Sirius eyed his brother off, “I want myself back as well, but it too late –“.

“It’s not too late, the only time it’s gonna be too late is when you get the Dark Mark… This is only a few hours away”. Sirius almost jumped out of his seat, “what?” He spat in shock, “… You’re gonna be taking the dark mark?” Sirius asked his brother who sadly nodded, “I don’t have anything left Sirius, I have to take it, but you, you’ve got a lot to take, you should go” Regulus said. His own brother was telling him to leave, to run away? “But Regulus, I can’t do such a thing!” Sirius said, but his brother shook his head, “don’t fight me, please, I’m your brother, do this for me” Regulus replied and all Sirius could do was suck in som air. “You promise not to tell mother about it?” Sirius asked and Regulus nodded, “don’t tell me where you are, I can’t know, because they’ll use the truth seeking spell on me, you’ve got to find your own way out” Regulus said softly. Sirius sighed, this was scary, he knew that his mother was proud of him, and he knew that he would probably get the mark soon, but he didn’t realize it was so soon. “I need to go” Sirius said, before patting his brother on the back as a farewell. He grabbed his cloak and rushed out of the door, leaving his family behind.


	5. Chapter 5

12 Years Later

Sirius placed his hands on the table, his fingers were pale looking, he had just finished an order meeting, The Order of the Phoenix was a special organisation that helped protect wizards from danger, right now som Death eaters had escaped from Azkaban and were terrorizing the muggle world. Sirius smirked at himself; he was twenty nine and already looked old. “Don’t be so hard on yourself Sirius” a lady with blonde short hair said with a smile, her name was Tori Edwards, a Pureblood like Sirius. Sirius smiled as he leaned back, his hair had grown and had now reached his shoulders, with a gentle wave to go along with it. He had grown a beard, which annoyed him sometimes, but Tori said that it suited him. A man that was dressed up rather nicely had walked in, seating himself next to Sirius, “we have a new member arrive soon” he noted to the two. “Oh is that so, who may it be?”

“Ah, I managed to hear them talking about him, I think he went by the name of Remus Lupin”. Sirius almost had a heart attack, Remus, he was coming. What was he supposed to do? He tensed up and sighed, “you alright there Sirius?” The man asked, “I’m fine Lenny, I’m just fine” Sirius said as he got up. Tori had followed him outside, “I have a feeling you know him?” She said and Sirius nodded, his wavy brown hair getting in the way. “Yes… We were best friend in school, until something I did broke us apart” he said sadly. Tori looked down, “oh… I’m sorry to hear that –“.

“I want you to do me a favour” Sirius grabbed her shoulder, catching her attention, “yes, what do you want me to do?”

“I want you to go around and tell everyone that I’ve changed my name… Call me Max… Max Harold” Sirius said, and he didn’t want Remus to know he was here. “Are you serious, oh come on Sirius!” She groaned, “Please, I really need your help!” He pleaded, a few moments later the word had gotten around.

It was almost nine when Remus had arrived, greeted by the many members, Sirius’s heart almost skipped a beat when he shook hands with Remus and exchanged his name and a smile. They bustled into the gathering room, “It’s great to have another member… Max, uh, why don’t you show Remus around” Lenny said, trying to remember Sirius’s fake name, Sirius wasn’t all too pleased, but he didn’t want to act rudely, so he accepted. Both wizards left the gathering area whilst the others went back to their chores. “So how long have you been in here for?” Remus asked Sirius, “Uh around ten years I think?”

“Ah, is that right, so how old are you?”

“Twenty nine, you?”

“Thirty… You’d be the same age as one of my friends”, Sirius tensed as he kept on walking through the halls, “oh really, who may that be?” He asked, feeling a little dumb, “oh… His name was Sirius Black”.

“Was?” Sirius had quite the grammar right there and Remus looked up, hurt crossing his face, “he uh, he died years ago, when I was in seventh grade in Hogwarts”. All Sirius could think up was, _what the fuck is going on here?_ “Oh… was he a great friend?” Sirius asked and Remus nodded, “yeah, but he did something stupid, and I avoided him, and turned our other two friends on him, I regret I ever did it”.

“How did I – he die?” Sirius curse in his head from the little slip up, but Remus hadn’t noticed, “my friend casted a curse on him and apparently when he was taken to the wing he was pronounced dead from blood loss” Remus voice had so much hurt. “Oh god, I’m sorry for your loss, you must have really missed him” Sirius said and Remus chuckled, “yeah, I miss him, you know, today is the day that he died actually” Remus said. Sirius turned away from Remus, what had Peter done? “Anyway… Uh… Here, over here we usually have Lenny, who works on any records of attacks on recent Dementors –“.

“What do you do?” Remus had cut him off, “oh me… I go out with the squad to defend the civilians” Sirius replied. Remus nodded, “so, we would I be going?”

“You can choose, but are you good at fighting?”

“Hell yes, I’m awesome at it” Remus joked and Sirius giggled, he then realized that Remus was staring at him with such love… What? “Anyway, you can choose wherever you want to be, it’s your decision… You should talk to Lenny” Sirius said with a smile. Remus smiled and pushed past, their hands touching for a split second.

Tori had met up with Sirius, knowing the plan she sat down with him, “so was he the same as so many years ago?” She asked with interest, “no, he’s nowhere near it; he’s changed so much… I haven’t told you the whole story, but I think its best If I not, because there’s a secret in it –“.

“That’s alright; you don’t have to tell me… Did you find out anything interesting about him?” She asked with a smile, “yes, I did, you know since he hasn’t seen me for a few years, he’s forgotten what I looked like, and apparently he think I died in seventh year after being hit by a curse!” Sirius said and Tori covered her mouth, “oh god, that is awkward… Are you gonna tell him?”

“When the time is right” Sirius said, “and I bet that means never” Tori said with a sigh, Sirius glared at her, “I… I can’t you see, everything’s gone crazy” he said put his head in his hands. Suddenly a woman came walking in, “oh there you two are, look, we’ve got another attack, but these Dementors are smarter than we thought, they’re moving from different areas so we won’t be able to catch them” she said in annoyance. “Man, that’s annoying, I didn’t think they’d have brains” Sirius cocked an eyebrow at her, and she shrugged, “well the more you know… We’ll let you know if we track them down” she said, she quickly rushed out to join Lenny, and a few seconds later Remus had come in. “Oh hey there Remus” Tori smiled as she got up, “where are you going?” Sirius asked in a panicked tone, he didn’t want to be alone with Remus, not right now. “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine” she smiled, but Sirius had known her for years, and knew that twinkle in her eyes, she then turned her eyes to Remus, who was standing near the table, “hey Remus” the werewolf looked up at her and smiled, “take care of Sirius for me” and then she was gone. Sirius’s heart almost stopped and he wanted to rip her head off. He turned his attention to Remus, who had his eyes on Sirius, but they were wide with shock. “What?” Was all Sirius could say.


	6. Chapter 6

**Okay guys, just to let you know, we’ve got boy love here, if you don’t like it, please don’t read on… But others enjoy** **J**

“She called you Sirius” Remus exclaimed, and Sirius could see the shock in his former friends face, “now Remus, I’m sure –“.

“You do look like him… Your eyes, you’ve got the same eyes!” Sirius cursed himself, Remus was now walking towards him, but Sirius jumped up from the seat and backed away, not knowing what the werewolf would do, “Sirius… Oh god” Remus said as he started to remember his friend, “Remus… Calm down… Stop!” Sirius wasn’t able to run away as Remus had lunged forward, wrapping his powerful arms around Sirius’s small frame. He could feel Remus sniff him and knew there was nothing that would change his mind now. “Sirius, holy shit, what the hell” Remus whispered, Sirius began to struggle, but Remus tightened his grip on him making him yelp in pain, “don’t fucking move, I’m not letting you go, like I did so many years ago!” He snarled and Sirius froze, frightened that he was going to get his head ripped off, both wizards slumped to the floor, Remus’s arms were still around his former friend. “What happened?” Remus asked Sirius, who refused to look at him, “Sirius, they said you were dead… Did you fucking tell them to say that?” Remus turned his sadness to anger as he changed his grip on Sirius, pinning the Pureblood to the ground, Sirius looked up at his angered friend. “What’re you talking about, who told you I was dead?” Sirius asked with complete shock, “Peter and Lily!” Remus answered, but Sirius knew what had happened, Lily loved James, and she wanted him to mature, and this was the worst he had ever done. “Ah, I see… Remus” Sirius cupped his friend’s face with his hands, “that wasn’t my doing, it was Lily’s, you know that Lily loved James, and she wanted him to change… I think she did that in order to see if he’d man up, and Peter, well I told him not to tell –“. Sirius was cut off as Remus pressed his lips against his, he was still for a bit and then he was staring at Remus’s amber eyes, “I understand”. What confused Sirius was, and why did Remus want him after he had the Willow incident? “Why do you want me?” Sirius asked with concern with his friend’s choice, Remus smiled and looked down, “I’m taking it you’re referring to the Willow incident?” He said and Sirius looked away, to ashamed to agree, but Remus had caught his chin ad brought him back to look at him, “we make mistakes because we’re human… How on earth could I be angry with you for so long when I was head over heels with you?” Those words hit Sirius and he burst out crying, shocking the werewolf, “but you guys wouldn’t talk to me –“. Remus had scooped Sirius up and hugged him tightly, “I know, and I’m truly sorry about it, I was angry Sirius” Remus said. Once Sirius calmed down, Remus pinned him down once more, “I’ll never stop loving you Sirius, you got that?” Remus said and Sirius nodded before feeling Remus’s lips on his once again, they broke apart to catch more air. Sirius watched as Remus took of his jacket and shirt, discarding them to the side. Remus bent over to rip open Sirius’s shirt, but Sirius had stopped him, “what’s wrong, did I hurt you?”

“No, you didn’t… I just… I don’t want you to see what’s under there –“.

“Sirius, it’s alright… Let me see” Remus said sadly, and he broke out of Sirius’s grip and tore off his shirt. He could see the pain in Remus’s face as he scoped over his friends scarred body, “was this… Was this from James when he… When he hit you with that curse?” Remus stammered, gently tracing his fingers over the fading, but visible scars that covered his body, Sirius sighed, “Yes they are, the nurse couldn’t heal anymore”.

“Oh god Sirius, I’m so sorry –“.

“Moony that’s enough!” Sirius growled and then watched as a smile appeared on Remus’s face, “now I’m really sure that it’s you Sirius, for a moment before I thought I was mistaking you for my old friend”.

 “That’s wouldn’t be so nice now would it?” Sirius laughed, they kissed again and Sirius snaked his hands over Remus’s body, familiarizing the scars from his transformations. “Will you let me?” Remus asked, his eyes were pleading and Sirius smiled, “go on, I won’t bite… Much” Remus smiled and unbuckled his belt and then doing so with Sirius who went limp, surrendering his body to his friend. It took only moments until Sirius cried out in pain from the sudden intrusion. Remus ha snatched up his wand and locked all the doors and silenced the room, he began to whisper soothing words to Sirius as he continued. Sirius moved, very uncomfortable, but letting his friend go. By the time they were finished, Remus had fallen off Sirius, and both of them were tired, “man that was awesome” Sirius panted as he turned his head to look at Remus, who was smiling at him, “wow… That’s all I can say” Remus replied with a chuckle. Suddenly there was a pounding on the door and both wizards were up and dressed, unlocking the door for Lenny, who frowned at them, “I’m not gonna ask why the door was locked, but, we’ve located some of the death eaters. We need to head out” he said. Sirius nodded, “alright Remus, we gotta move, come with me” he said. Remus took his hand and followed Sirius, not knowing that he was walking into something terrible.


	7. Chapter 7

The group of Death Eaters were cornered, Sirius had his wand drawn and Remus was next to him “stay behind me, I don’t wanna lose you” Sirius said quietly. Tori had magically bound the Death eaters so that they weren’t able to move away, and also placed a sealing curse so that every one of them couldn’t apparate away. “Tell me about the Dark Lord!” Lenny spat at the Death Eaters, who refused to speak so Lenny pointed his wand at one of them, “come on, or I’ll have to kill you” he said “that won’t do you any good you filthy wizard” the Death Eater blurted out with a sneer on his face. Sirius quickly placed his hand on Lenny’s shoulder to calm him down, which worked because Lenny had backed off, Sirius was gonna take over, as he pointed his wand at the Death Eater “come on now, tell me everything, then we’ll think about your life” he said firmly. The Death Eaters, in unison, turned to him “Sirius Orion Black, we thought you were long gone, after you cowardly ran away from getting the Dark Mark” one of the Death Eaters said and Sirius felt his whole body tense. It was Remus’s turn to gently place his hand on Sirius’s shoulder “so you’re not gonna tell us?” Sirius asked he was never the one to kill any Death Eaters; usually it was Lenny and Tori. “Fine then, Sirius let us do this” Tori said as she pushed past and Sirius backed off, moving next to Remus who gave him a reassuring smile and returned to watching her. She had her wand at the ready, but wasn’t able to shoot a spell as one of the Death Eaters had broken free, was it that the spell had broken or too weak, Sirius had no idea, but he was now fighting for his life with Remus right beside him. Tori had fallen back in shock her wand shooting stray spells in order to buy her some time to regain herself and Lenny, along with some other members were trying to recapture the Death Eaters. Sirius had thrown a table on its side, providing him with some barrier and protection. The table vibrated as spells ricocheted off the hard wood, Sirius had an advantage and disadvantage. His advantage was that he was protected, but his disadvantage was that he couldn’t see who was on the other side, so in order to actually shoot; he’d have to stand up and look over the table before shooting. He couldn’t go and shoot blindly because Tori, Lenny and others were out there. So he really didn’t have many options but to stand up and look over, which he did, his heart was pounding as he prayed that he wouldn’t get his head ripped off. There, a Death Eater was in the corner trying to call the Dark Lord, he had to stop him. He threw a stunning spell their way and watched as the Death Eater was caught in surprise and he fell back from the spell “Sirius!” He heard Remus scream, he did one thing that he shouldn’t have done, turn around. In this force whenever someone urgently calls your name you’re meant to duck to avoid any spells. It was like a code for every member to keep them safe. The spell hit Sirius square in the chest and sent him sprawling to the ground in pain, it felt like the Crucio spell, but somehow it felt different. Remus by his side in minutes, helping him up, his eyes were filled with tears “oh god I thought I lost you, are you alright?” Remus asked as he checked over Sirius who nodded “I’m fine, get behind the table” he yelled whilst pulling Remus along with him and wincing in pain as his chest throbbed with pain. “Some of the Death Eaters have broken through the spell, they’ll be trying to contact the Dark Lord, help me try and stop them” Sirius yelled over the noise and Remus nodded his wand at the ready. Sirius took a few breaths and jumped up, throwing stunners towards any Death Eater who got in the way.   
Turns out all of the Death Eaters weren’t willing to give up the information, so Sirius let Tori and Lenny finish them off. Sirius touched his chest in pain, but hid the expression, he didn’t want Remus to know, it’ll pass, Sirius thought to himself. But his second mind was saying to get it checked out. He’ll get it checked out soon. Remus had got into another room alone, locking the door and silencing the room as well. He was embraced by long, strong arms once again and he smiled as he snuggled in Moony’s warmth. But it plagued his mind now that he thought about it “how’s James doing?” Remus’s whole body tensed after the question “Moony, where’s Prongs?” Sirius looked up at Remus’s stricken face. Sirius wasn’t sure what was happening when Remus gently pushed him away and sat down on the couch. Sirius hesitated before joining him “Prongs is dead” was all Remus said and Sirius almost fell off the seat “come on Remus, are you playing a trick on me, because that was all Lily’s doing” Sirius shot back in annoyance. But the look that Remus gave Sirius made him think otherwise “I’m serious Sirius, he’s gone”. Sirius leaned back on the couch in shock; the boy he used to know was now dead “what… What happened to him?” Sirius asked, fearing what he would hear “he took his own life” Sirius held back a sob “why’d he do that? He had so much for him in the future, Lily was there –“.

“Lily’s dead to”.

Sirius world seemed to crumble around him as the words floated around in his head “what, why?” Sirius asked, and his voice was shaking now “she killed herself after finding out the truth of James’s death”.

“What was the truth?”

“You”.

“Me?”

Remus sighed as he turned a bit on the seat to gently grab Sirius’s hands and rub them with his thumbs “that day when Prongs had casted that curse on you, he was very angry” Sirius looked down, seeing where this was going but Remus let go of his hand and caught this chin, bringing his eyes back up to him “at first he was angry with what you had done to me, so he was practically blinded with rage. We all were, but Lily” Remus smiled as he said her name “had said a few things that had set things straight, showing that she didn’t admire what he had done. But when Peter and Lily had told us that you “died”, by god he wanted _me_ to kill him, he was _that_ upset. But hearing you say that Lily had taken up that idea, it all makes sense, she wanted him to mature and also pay for what he had done because she actually loved him that much that she couldn’t wait for him to bloom. After James had left the note and killed himself, Lily had said that she had come over to ask him to marry her, but instead she saw his body. We had the funeral and a week later Lily had died as well” Remus stopped, as the tears flowed down his cheeks and his grip tightened on Sirius’s hands “she died in my arms” he continued “I had come over to comfort her, only to find that she had _just_ slit her throat, I… I tried everything to stop the bleeding… But… There was too much blood … She was going blue and…” Sirius had quickly wrapped his arms around Remus’s firm frame “oh god Remus, I’m so sorry, if only I had known about this I would’ve been there for you, I was just so afraid of showing my face to you again” Sirius said, Remus sobbed in his shoulder, his hands snaking their way to Sirius spine “heal me Sirius, please” he whispered into Sirius’s ear and Sirius smiled “it’s okay, I’ll do just that, but we should head to my room, I don’t wanna have that feeling that someone will barge in here at any moment” Sirius said as he got up and pulled Remus with him. They quickly made their way up to his room and once the door was closed Remus was upon him. Their lips clashed and Sirius was pressed up against the door, but he strained himself to reach Remus’s lips. Remus was a good six foot two whilst Sirius was only five foot seven. Seeing Sirius straining, Remus ducked his head lower so that Sirius could reach him. They began ripping at each other’s tops, Remus was able to take Sirius, but Sirius was still on the process. “Wait” Remus said as he grabbed his friend’s wrists and pulled him to the bed. “You wanna be on the top?” Remus asked but Sirius shook his head “have you ever done it with anyone else?”

“No”.

“Well then, you’re on top, give Moony a present for waiting so long” Sirius said as he crawled onto the silken sheets. Remus growled and crawled on top of him, their lips meeting once again, their skin touching now as Remus slowly lowered himself on top of Sirius, being careful that he didn’t squish the former marauder. Sirius squirmed underneath him “god you’re heavy Moony but don’t worry, it’ll help me” he said as he tried to position himself properly. Remus smiled and trailed kisses down Sirius’s neck and being rewarded with a groan from Sirius. His fingers danced around Sirius’s stomach before slowly making their way down past his naval and to the top of his trouser pants. Remus looked up to make sure that Sirius wanted it “come on Moony, let loose” Sirius chuckled and Remus slid his hands into Sirius’s trousers, and wrapped his fingers around the prized possession. He got a fright when Sirius suddenly arched his back suddenly and gasped, his fingers gripping Remus’s hair. He continued the pleasurable movement, kissing above Sirius’s naval and whispering soothing words “god… Kill me Remus” he heard Sirius say and Remus’s whole body froze, his hand was out of Sirius’s pants and was now pinning Sirius’s wrists to the bed, Sirius stared up at him in complete fear and shock “Moony what –“.

“Don’t you say that!”

“Remus, what are you –“.

“Don’t you fucking say that to me!” Remus all but shouted in Sirius’s face and he felt Sirius begin to struggle “Jesus Christ Moony, what’s wrong with you?” Sirius shouted back, all the while trying to get him off him “you remind me of James when you said that” Remus blurted out and Sirius stopped “oh shit, I’m sorry Moony, I didn’t know that he said _that_ to you, please forgive me” Sirius said, his eyes were practically tearing up now and Remus admitted that he was crying too. He leaned down and caught Sirius lips again “Moony?” Sirius’s voice was unsure and scared and Remus hated that, he had placed that there “yes Padfoot?” He heard Sirius sigh in relief “can you… Uh… can you be inside… Of me?” Sirius managed to get the words out. Remus smiled down at him “okay, now hold still” he said as he positioned himself in between Sirius’s legs “okay, now the questions on you, have you ever done it with someone else?” Remus asked as he looked straight into Sirius’s eyes “no, this would practically be my first time” Sirius replied, that was enough for Remus to go ahead. He undid his trousers and pulled Sirius’s pants down in order to gain access. Sirius squirmed as he felt Remus press against him. “You ready, this will hurt” Remus said as he grabbed Sirius right hand with his left and mirrored the other so that he was now pinning Sirius’s hands down. Sirius sucked in some air, looking up at Remus and nodded. Remus prayed to god that he wouldn’t hurt Sirius and he pushed in slowly, if he went fast, he would definitely hurt Sirius because he hadn’t used lube, and it was his first time. Lube would have been great, but they didn’t have any at all. “Oh god” Remus said through clenched teeth as he felt the warmth start to enclose his member and Sirius practically arched his back, screaming in sheer pain and Remus almost had a heart attack “Oh god have mercy, Remus it hurts, fuck it hurts, OW!” Sirius cried, tears streamed down his cheeks, Remus tried to sooth Sirius, but he couldn’t get over the feeling that he was receiving from slowly sliding in “come on Padfoot, you’re doing amazing, I know it hurts just – Ah fuck me, you’re so tight!” Remus yelled over Sirius screams of pain “OW, OW, OW, Remus BLOODY HELL IT HURTS LIKE A BITCH, AH STOP, TAKE IT OUT, TAKE IT OUT, TAKE IT OUT!” Sirius screamed as he struggled to move up the bed, trying to slip off Remus. But the werewolf’s grip tightened on his wrists and he moved up the bed, his member once again was enveloped by the heat “NO SIRIUS YOU CAN DO THIS, COME ON, JUST BREATHE FOR ME!” Remus screamed, and Sirius kept on struggling so Remus lowered his upper body onto Sirius, restricting him from moving anymore, there were so many struggles from Sirius that Remus was only half way in. Remus had stopped to give Sirius some time to catch his breath and keep his conscious “Sirius I’m so sorry” Remus said as he looked up at Sirius who was looking away from Remus and trying to catch his breath whilst his eyes were closed. Remus waited until Sirius erratic breathing had gone back to normal before he began to push in some more, Sirius face scrunched up in complete pain “AAAHH, REMUS, ENOUGH PLEASE, STOP, FUCK, REMUS YOU’RE KILLING ME, MAKE IT STOP, PULL OUT, OW!” Remus ignored the screams, he had to make it through it, and maybe it was best with Lube next time. He was finally sheathed inside Sirius who had been now crying. Remus let go of Sirius’s wrists and cupped his friend’s face, he too was crying just as hard “oh god Sirius, please forgive me” Remus said and Sirius looked up at him “don’t worry Moony, I wanted you to do it, it’s just the pain was too unbearable, god you’re huge!” Sirius smirked at him and Remus kissed him “I’m taking it you don’t want me to move huh” Remus said but Sirius shook his head “I want you to do it, move inside of me” he urged Remus on and the werewolf smiled before rocking his hips in a slow motion. Remus could no longer feel the pain anymore, Sirius could though, he watched as Sirius tried to contain himself “god, it’s been so long” Remus said as he went to kiss Sirius, who winced in pain “am I hurting you too much?” Remus asked but Sirius shook his head “faster” Sirius whispered and Remus obliged and quickened his pace. It went for fifteen minutes when suddenly Sirius screamed in pain as he came and Remus joined him. But Sirius was still screaming, striking worry from Remus “Sirius, hey Padfoot, are you alright, what’s wrong, did I hurt you, where do you hurt?” Remus shot so many questions at his friend “My chest, oh god Moon it hurts, make it stop!” Sirius yelled whilst clutching his chest “oh god Sirius, hold on!” Remus slowly pulled out and quickly dressing them both. Suddenly Sirius stopped screaming and Remus looked up at Sirius pale face, his eyes were closed, but he lay motionless. Quickly Remus checked his heartbeat, nothing. “Oh god Sirius, no, FUCKING DON’T DIE ON ME, NOT YOU TOO, PLEASE I LOVE YOU SIRIUS!” He quickly took off the silencing spell in the room and screamed. He could hear footsteps coming from outside and he door burst open, revealing Tori and the others “Remus, by god what happened, what’s wrong with Sirius?” Tori asked as she quickly joined his side, checking for Sirius’s pulse, nothing “shit, Lenny, get the medics, and get everyone else out of here, including you Remus, you need to go catch some air”.

“No, I want to stay –“.

“I know Remus, but please help me out here, go now!” Tori practically shouted at him and Remus turned and ran out of the room, some medic witches raced past him and into the room. The worst thing about being a werewolf was that he could hear everything. He stopped in the hall, and listened to them “I can’t get his pulse” one of the witches said “come on Sirius, you love him don’t you, you love each other, do it for Remus” so Tori knew about them “Tori, that’s enough… he’s gone” Remus closed his eyes and ran, he didn’t want to live anymore, _god kill me now_. It must have been that spell, the one that had hit Sirius during battle, god, was he mean to have bad luck all his life. He had just lost that last of his family and the one he loved. He could hear Moony howling in pain inside him.


End file.
